Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Reflect and Ponder (33) - Relationship Relief

In today's times, one of the biggest tragedies that we are witnessing is the failing of relationship after relationship. Whether it is husband and wife (this is by far the most abused and broken one from the list) or a brother and sister, or parent and child, or any other relationship, people just can't seem to get along with those around them.

So, the question is, how do we make it work?? What is the solution??

Well, frankly speaking, I am no relationship councelor, but open pondering over the calamity at hand, a few points come to mind, which although are quite obvious, but InshaAllah, they will shed a bit of light on the matter from a purely Islamic Shar'ii perspective, and be of benefit to someone.

1.) The relationship should be built upon a solid foundation of TRUST. Without this main component, a relationship can not last. It is very important for a husband and wife to trust each other, and not entertain any doubts whatsoever about their partner regarding anything. Almost always, these doubts are just the weapons of Shaytaan that he uses to break away trust, and are usually without any proof whatsoever.

2.) There should be an UNDERSTANDING between the husband and wife, and not a MISUNDERSTANDING. What this simply means is that each one should try and understand the other, know exactly what he/she is trying to say, and what exactly is happening in that person's life, and not be quick to make assumptions. How many relationships are broken because one of the two made an assumption about the other, not bothering to find out the reality, not trying to understand. The basis of this point is actually GOOD COMMUNICATION between the spouses. Relationships fail because the spouses fail to communicate with each other, and bad communication (or no communication) leads to misunderstandings which then destroy the marital bond.

3.) To be FORGIVING and not to harbour in your heart ill feelings for your spouse. We are humans and humans are very far from being perfect. Let us accept this, and forgive one another just like we would like to be forgiven by them, and just like how we would like Allah to forgive our innumerable sins. One of the main problems is that boys and girls go into marriage with this mentality that our spouse should be perfect and faultless. When, after marriage, they see the reality, they are not ready to accept. We all make mistakes, and thus we should all be tolerant with other people's mistakes, and not react in such a way which will be destructive. However, with FORGIVE there should also be FORGET. Many people forgive the mistakes of others, but they aren't prepared to forget. Many a times, an argument erups between the husband and wife, and old mistakes are dug up anew, which just adds fuel to the fire and makes matters worse. Every night, a husband and wife should sleep with a completely clean heart.

These three points require quite a bit of detail, but I have chosen to just touch on them briefly, knowing that people don't have time to read long articles, and attention spans are also very short.
May Allah make it a means of benefit, and may Allah bless us with relationships that last forever, ameen.